unable to sleep. Taste of semen still in my mouth, and the texture of my nipples is interrupted by breathing44 turned sticky. The smell of cigarettes and gin floating in the inch between two mouths; I have hated this smell before and I will be leaving forever, but this once I love his chapped lips and how coming only a few breaths out of sleep he presses to me again, reaches around and cups my ass with both hands, swings my body from the mattress to his hips. I am still asleep and my eyes are aching in the part, but yet again: I can't say no. so urgently, how can something so ahistorical pierce45 my legs like this.

44The inbreath is effortless. In any attempt to prevent it one finds an instinctual override. Breath belongs not to the body but to that which breathes through it. When I breathe his breath I am breathing the way G-d breathes through him (how G-d breathes through me.)

45teeth threatened to break the surface of the finger.